that's ME

Just any boy, with

beliefs, disbeliefs, decisions, precisions, feelings, fears, gears, notions, motions, what not!! everything about everything in life... MY life and MY thoughts

Moments... survived.. surviving

Like someone spalshing water all over with a bucket... cold water.. hitting hard.. couldn't open my eyes... through a small slit between my eye lids.. I could see few lights.. dimmer ones farther and some bright and near.. constantly changing postions... Incapable of estimating the speed!

I had to reach home!! I could have waited! No, I had to reach home!

My hands holding the bike's handle... they looked pale.. they looked wrinkled... they were shivering/// Indeed my whole body was shaking... eyes opened only If I saw downwards!! rain has formed a continuously running water-film on my eyes... For sometime I drove with one hand, using the other to wipe water off my eyes.. I tried hard to stop the cold leaking into me by cuddling into the raincoat (ya, I was wearing one.. which was of no use!)

It was two years back when I was riding home from Imliban.. around 12 in the night... My bike.. almost closed eyes!!... rash traffic.. our roads.. a downpour..!! Dunno how I survived that night!!!

When I reached home, I find my eyes bluee... face white as a ghost! and my body was shrunken due to the cold..

*****************************

****************************

This moment, I sit idle.. This moment that I'm here.. in this chair.. in my home, sweet home.. with brother whom I can see sleeping... and sense parents in the other room.. and feel happy about sona loittering somewhere around... The assurance of all these souls around.. the safety.. I get food on time.. I'm asked if I had lunch... If I had breakfast.. If I want something///

This very moment that I'm here.. that I'm idle.. though not happy about it, but surely not regretting about anything in life... This very moment

Wish every moment from now would be at least half better as this one!! pessimistic!!! well, even that doesn't help... many months are gonna be worse!!!

That fact makes me smile..!!

Help me!

*********************

*********************

That was just one night through which I survived.. there are many more.. soo many more instances... every time I thought

"uuhh, this is it"

"this is the end"

"Ohh shit! it's over"

"Thank god!!"

I almost hit the edge of a divider! almost ran into an open man hole..! almost nudged the edge of the bus! Almost went under the tyres!!

Just soo many times.. It was always dangerous living on my bike... It's not the need to drive fast... but the frustration to lag behind so many!!! when the roads are empty, I drive much slower!!

*****************************

*****************************

I feel like a hypocrite when I remember those things I told but couldn't do!!! not promises!! but other things!

I did many things I said.. I said many things I did!! but not those... those things which normal people don't try...

well, yeah that's it!!!

Escape

I was expecting patients (like lookin like patients) while entering the Institute of Preventive Medicine. Bewildered when I found tens of students like me who have come for some kind of vaccination. Seemed like only those leaving India require them!

Well, other than that went no where today! quite boring isn't it. well, I did supplement it however. When the shutters were just closing and people running home.

It was slightly drizzling and late in the evening when I was out to bring some crap.. I was returning home and while entering the apartment, my soul grunts "COME OOONN"

Pheww.. sigh!!! "Ok" I say and we (me, my soul) set out on a short trip. It was drizzling (I know!! second time) and cold... very cold.

The second time I come home.. same grunting.. and this time, went right to a flyover.. :-) :-) The wind blowing hard on my face.. Felt like a cold wightless handkerchief just drifting away on my face, touching my hair. When I sense my hair flying while driving, I feel like John Abraham's hair style.. well I see the mirror and I find wires on my head!

Anyone who asks me a lift, gets it. Yeah just as I passed one guy, I saw through the corner of my eye, he asking me lift and feeling maybe he missed the oppourtunity. I stop a few feet away... he comes running and asks

"ekkadi varaku velthunnaru?" (*with respect* "what's your destination??")

Me "Ahmmm... ahemmm!!! aumm! straight velthunnanu" (*pointing down the road* "I'm goin straight")

Smiling, he got onto the bike..

The rain striked harder now, the wind became louder. With lots of trouble he was trying to engage me in a conversation.

Trying to look backwards and shouting, I said "Nadapadam konchem kashtam ga undi, let me concentrate" (Let me concentrate on my driving)

I didn't see his face again till he got down. He conveyed his Thanks. Immediately I took a U-turn to go back. Now, his eyes were fixed on me. He was surely more grateful now. I liked the look and the thing that I'm gone crazy these days :-)

The wind got louder and the roads got noisier but a faint but high pitched "Thank you very much" managed to reach my ears.

A faint smile managed to escape my lips.

just checking e-mail posting

same thing@!

Kids in love

GIRL: I'm sleepy

BOY: Why so early?

GIRL: Dunno.. But, I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP :-( !!! I want to talk to you

BOY: {blushing...} :-) :-)

GIRL: {sad} say something... :-(

BOY: ------------

GIRL: {more sad and slowly} say something :-( :-(

BOY: I love you :-) {blushing}

GIRL: :-) :-)

BOY: Once upon a time... {she interrupts}

GIRL: wow, a story?

BOY: yes, a stoory :-)

GIRL: I love you too :-)

{now, both of them chuckling}

BOY: This is the story of why and how the Earth has come to existence and why all this life on it and the answer to all the scientists and philosophers's...

GIRL: philiosphy??? :-( By the way you started with "once upon a time"

BOY: listen monkey..

GIRL: Don't call me monkey :-)

BOY: Ok stupid, listen now..
{quickly}
Once upon a time, thousands of years ago... GOD was playing dice...

There were few gods who could never come to conclusion about who's the greatest amongst them.

GIRL: sounds like a fable for small children..

BOY: that's why I'm telling you my dear... listen nowww.. I should tape your mouth

GIRL: :-) what if I feel like kissing you and my mouth's taped??

BOY: :-) :-) I'll do that thing for you.. you signal me when you feel like that

GIRL: you're not telling the story???? :-)

BOY: very smart... Among those present were

- The Air god
- The Fire god

GIRL: The Soil god.... The Moon god!

BOY: No, No,

- The Nature goddess
- The Water god

and the actual GOD acted the judge.

GOD: well, you guys have been obstructing one anothers duties to prove each others's greatness. But, the right way to prove oneself is doing the work in the best possible way he can. The person who'll do what he can do perfectly will be the greatest.

The Omnipotent then threw a dice into the space

{Slowly saying}

GOD: you people need a stage to showcase your talents.. and this is it... THE EARTH..

GIRL: A talent show??

BOY: yes, for gods.. and the main god is the judge.

GIRL: who'll be the anchor then?? :-)

BOY: the main god... he's both the judge and the anchor.

GIRL: Hmmm.... okaay!

BOY:

{with sound effects}

The Earth was burning hot when it flew into the space and The water god was about to do somethin when GOD stopped him

GOD: wait there, to win this competition, none of you should interrupt others' work.

The four gods agreed.

The water god then poured himself all over the earth and cooled it down and also formed huge water bodies

GIRL: called oceans

BOY: {continuing} :-) were created... They were so deep that they seemed bottomless. Main god was very impressed.

GIRL: hmmm.. :-)

BOY: Then came the Nature Goddess.. She just flew around the water bodies and the oceans teemed with life... all kinds of life... small to huge... black, blue, green, white, every colour... GOD was Amazed with these creatures and the creator of them, the Nature Goddess.

She couldn't create life on the land however.

GIRL: No Air! So, the soo called Air god created air??

BOY: yaa.... soo the Air god enveloped the earth.. he covered the entire space on earth... he was everywhere... the narrowest tunnel or the deepest cave or anything. He was present everywhere. This omnispresence rivalled that of the main god and he was awestruck with that show.

Now, the Nature goddess created more creatures. These could walk and think... some kind of life was found everywhere on earth. They collectively gave rise to beautiful eco systems..

GIRL: what's all this dearrr???

BOY: Life existed for a long time before Fire god entered and made it easy.. He made many useful tools for men.. He was involved in every functionning of the Man..

He somehow managed to impress GOD..

{After observing their works for thousands of years}

GOD: All were impressive. But no one could make the one perfect masterpiece to be adjudged the winner!!!!

BOY: Now, someone should cry... we see it daily in our talent shows... either the participant, the judge or the audience or even the ancohr... sometimes everyone///

Nature Goddess: {crying} You show what it is.... what it looks like... beautiful than a peacock, graceful than a swan, {still crying}

Water God: deeper than an ocean, more wonderful than a waterfalls,

BOY: God knew it was time to do it. He observed all the best qualities in everything ever existed and anything that'll ever exist. He worked out different conmbinations and in the end came up with it.

He made you...

GIRL: what??

BOY: He made YOU..

GIRL: aaaahaan!!!

BOY: Yaa, he made you... :-)

GIRL: {disbelief} stop it...

BOY: and he made me to take care of you :-)

you're my only love :-) so you're present wherever my imagination could go.. You're omnipresent...

you're the most beautiful girl, both in and out

you're the deepest to understand

you're the most colourful, you're everything to me....

BOY: ooiee, say something...!!

BOY: Hellooo..... heeeeellllooooooooooooo!!!!!

BOY: wwwwhhattt?? slept offf??!!!

/

/

/

/

/

BOY: good night sweetheart... sweetest dreams.. miss you :-(

glurblurrb!

at this time of the night... not at all sleepy... I'm blogging!!! feels nice though...

Power cuts.. power cuts a-a-n-d power cuts.. Giving sometime to use the terrace.. all these days it's only been star gazing at nights... and today it's late than always...

I found out things that rejuvenate me.. after the defeat of Deccan chargers.. it was the cold and strong breeze and the sense of rain... also the clouds that brought me back!!

Well, thinking about things... and not thinking at all about anything has been the case all while.. (!!!)

When I asked people in the beginning, no one agreed, but now two guys want to come with me on the surprise trip...

oh shit.. I forgot something.. byee

Distraction, but then

you're driving

you see a girl on her father's bike, sitting behind him

you tell to yourself "hmmm.. she's good"

She looks at you when you overtake them.

A smile arises, a shrewd one.. however, you just move on but later blushing :-)