you can find the world in a person's diary who thinks He's the world

Nov 26, 2008

A cold night, pet and a cool girl.

Sona comes wagging her tail and sits besides me... reminding me to take her out walking.
Good that at least she remembers. I wouldn't have.

I say "good girl.. and soo cute" and i kiss her, and take out the chain... Suddenly she becomes lively, playful, jumping all around and barking. It's such a joy to watch her like that.

Then i tie the chain around her neck and she's ready. Before going, i check my phone once for a message I was awaiting since long and I leave the phone in my room. So that I'll not have to accept that I was waiting for that message.

We came onto the road. It's just a small street. On one end, it's main road and the other end pretty far, that we don't even care about it. It was calm except from some rumble on the main road when some automobile passed. Every home was adding to this silence. No one watching late night soaps!! Maybe because it's winter, and people would love to get under their cozy bedsheets as early as possible..

The street lights are working!, glimmering their bright golden yellow light on us and a gentle winter breeze.. That was the setting. I was watching my shadow wax and wane as we were both walking between street lights. She was busy sniffing around. She suddenly gets all this energy that her movements become very fast and brisk. Any other time, she doesn't even move her tail even when she sees a stranger.
That's sona, lazy grandma and that's our street with those bright sodium lamps

All the time(since we shifted to this street), I dreamt of (OR) I've been expecting a "BEAUTIFUL" girl (stress on "beau" with an "h" sound) to walkby this road. A girl, who with her charm can make the street lights dull and inferior. A girl who can make the street walls fall down to her feet. One who can upload herself automatically into our thoughts and later dreams.

I expected she will not be wearing jeans, cause girls look bold in jeans but not beautiful most of the times. To look beautiful, they have to wear Indian dresses. It's the punjabi dress/ chudidhar! One of them. The one with chunni.

Suddenly i realize I'm loooking upwards into the sky. I could've bluffed I was watching those coconuts, ifff it was daylight. But it is 11.30 p.m. and good that sona remembered "walking" at least now.

I was warding her off from sniffing everywhere, speaking to her (one way however). I was again watching my shadow, checking my walking style.

Then suddenly at a distance down the road, I saw a girl. I could identify her, The Girl I'm expecting on this road since 8yrs!! E-i-i-i-i-ght loooong years of my teenage.. that's however bygone.

She was wearing a white chudidhar/punjabi dress or whatever, O-o-o-n the whole, she was beautiful. She saw me too, staring at her. She was walking with her head down. Her hair occasionally falling onto her eyes and she was setting it right with her finger tips. But breeze was strong enough to keep her finger tips busy.

A Graceful walking style. Felt like she was floating on wind. Her chunni, with some kind of beads at both ends was almost reaching the ground, giving her a grandeur look. She was walking.

I thought I'd sleep after reaching home. Now I don't think I can sleep. :-D I could see the street lights getting dimmer. As though they're incapable of standing a chance to her charm. I could hear the walls creaking. Maybe they'll now fall at her feet!!!!!

I felt unfortunate that I couldn't see from which apartment she suddenly flung onto the street. I was busy watching my shadows.

But I knew I'm fortunate to be in this situation. Full street. No other soul. Eternal Silence. She, walking towards me. I mean I'm on the road and she was walking on it.

I knew I had to talk to her. Talk something. Some shit... Oh no... Not shit.. Something meaningful and something which can show off all my talents and smartness at once. In just few words. I'd've finished my sop if given then.

Was searching for such a sentence that I could make a reverberating effect on her. Digging deep inside my mind, in vain. My throat was jammed. It's cold outside. But that's not the reason. I'd've given a speech at that time if this girl was not on the scene. Sooo many things just flooding. In the process, eroding my brain. Not much was left in the end to think of something outstanding to blow her mind.

But, I knew I had to talk. I felt she knew too that I'll talk.. She was fast approaching now. I could see her face clearly. Eyes were magnificient. I thought I'd even act stupid or dumb to make her smile and watch her smile, gleefully. I wanted to make some disturbance.

She was approaching and my mind was retreating. or rather it was my heart that was retreating, into the narrowest of corners. It doesn't want to expose it's incapability to make her smile. Just one smile.

If GOD suddenly appeared and granted me a wish, I'd've asked for bliss and He'd've gifted me with her smile.

I didn't know how'll she look if she smiled. But knew It'll be marvellous.

She was almost there. Just a few feet away. I was ready........ I was ready with nothing. With nothing to speak.

But, I was ready to speak. A faint "Hey.." escaped my lungs.

By the time it took a distinct form, she took a diversion. Entered an apartment complex. I was almost about to speak to her... And what's thisss???? Why only noww?? Shud have I stood a few feet ahead?? I could've spoken to her. Should have I released the Hey few moments earlier?? Should I now follow her into the complex??

Now, she's gone. All these floods and damage, who'll repair them??

I was now gazing down the road with disappointment. Utter disappointment..

Was it??? Nooo... not complete disappointment.

A slight smile arouse from my lips... It became a bigger one.. And then it spread wider. I was standing there smiling.... Gleefully :-D.. All my teeth outside.

I saw her smiling.. Yeah, right... I could see her smile. ;-)

As though she observed my disappointment, she gave a mild smile while taking her turn. :-):-)

Now, comeon.. It's just the 3rd apartment from mine that she entered. Where we play cricket regualry... :-):-):-)

5+5+1+1= tan 90 x {love + innocence}

i was at a "hot chips" point and then a 10 yr entered the shop..

"Uncle, do you have 1 rupee chocolates?"

shopkeeper : "yes"

the child had some change with him.. he was holding it in both his hands.. I guessed he was carrying so much change in his hands all the way from his home. I imagined a cute looking boy, walking towards me, watching not the road but the buildings and walls, despite which aware of the coins in his palms.

He started counting the change, that too, in his hands.. Head bent.. He counted slowly and silently.

very seriously, "uncle, 12 rupees. Give 12 chocolates. 5 for me, 5 for my brother"

shopkeeper: that is only 10 babu.... should i give only ten?

"Nooooo.. 12... 5 for me, 5 for my brother"

smiling, "one for my daddy and one for my mummy" :-)

With a cute, innocent smile

Nov 25, 2008

some things to be understood/realized/remembered/all three

few observations during these days I've not been blogging!

  1. Most of the times, we need not do things to show we repect our parents and more imporatantly, that we LOVE them. But, we must show these things whenever possible.. if possible, everytime. After all, in the end these are the only two people who'll like to see us much above they are/were.
  2. Most of the times it may be REQUIRED that we show our hatred towards most of the people around us.. that we don't give a damn to them... But never do that.
  3. Never get into debates. If u get into one, never allow your opposition to win (Exception: ur loved ones, doesn't matter even if you're defeated).

Nov 18, 2008

Guess I should add some pics in my next posts...!
and return back to that joyous writing instead of that in the last 2 or 3 posts!! and readers, if u get bored with those 2 0r 3, don't "close window", but click "older posts" instead.. inside, it's different!

Nov 16, 2008

A path of chances

walking with both hands in my pockets n looking down the road, not really watching every step... most of them carelessly laid.. thinking about the future.... uninterested in the present... long forgotten past...

I was walking to a meat shop around 6 to buy some meat for sona(my pet)... Winters, it's getting darker earlier than usual... I stopped having meat.. but haven't stopped visiting the meat shop for the rest of my family... every time i visit it, my decision of becoming a vegetarian is more strongly justified... and every time i visit, it seems more sensible... more meaningful...

That fellow said.. come back in half an hour... I'll put it ready for you...

I nodded and thought of going back home... But then that'll be third time I'll go home without taking it.. I kept forgetting it all morning... I thought I'll go somewhere else... Not just that i want to go home with meat... But, I just didn't want to go home..

I started walking... cross roads... n i obviously took the less trodden path.. that was just another moment when i remembered Robert Frost and his poem "Stopping by woods on a snowy evening" in which he encourages one to take the less trodden path.. This step of mine is no near to that poem or to its spirit... This is no great adventure, taking that path.. But now, i'm used to taking unusual decisions and unusual ways...

Thinking about my statement of purpose which i thought I'll finish today and didn't even touch it.. and thinking about the road, wet and dirty because of rain... Haaa.. Rain :-) i guess this is what has made me active and is making me write all this...

All day long it was a good feeling of clouds above and chilling winds... When i woke up at 11, i thought it was still 7.. i was about to sleep again thinking it's very early... and saw my mom doing pooja.. "Tea", I mumbled.. She stopped pooja and started scolding me for soo shamelessly asking for tea without brushing... she's not yet used to it... :-):-) We friends did this all the time we were out of station and during combined studies :-)

I was carried away by these thoughts and could afford to have a little smile... but then i was back again on to the road... I could see few girls.. But couldn't find anything which i wanted... They were infront of my eyes...But, behind my eyes, in my mind, I could see only one girl. These were all just normal and boring....

A faint doubt "Why am I here(on this world)?" disturbed my thoughts like the intermittent wind.. This thought or doubt arises pretty often and that's when i become slightly philosophical like now... and people become philosophical when they're alone.. And that's my exact position.

All this while i was walking through this unknown road ( I knew the road I entered.. but surely don't know this place where I'm right now) I didn't notice where i was going... Strangely the road was straight all this while i guess and I just followed it... It seemed like I walked for a long time now, i thought I would return back.. But again I wanted to see where the road ends... Guessing it has been straight all along, I wanted to see where the road ended... I resumed walking..

The surrounding seemed familiar... Just like any other calm colony.. I felt there could be no youngsters around.. Then I came across a hostel for intermediate students.. I could relate to myself 5 years ago... And another thought that "there could be some guys in here who are not really interested in cracking IIT JEE, but here because their parents and their their relatives want him to"!!!!!

The boom in Education industry in Hyderabad came as a boon to Real Estate and to ambitious parents... This boom later on brought many IT companies to Hyderabad. But it has been unfortunate for most of the 8th, 9th and 10th standard students... And now a days even to 5th, 6th and 7th... They spend time attending "EXTRA" classes. Is there a need that a 14yr old should get up early in the morning 5!! or else miss his teenage in the form of evening classes??

This thwarting still in my head, I remembered the longest walk I ever had to my Home.. It was right from Ravindra Bharathi to my home!!!!! That was when we went to watch one of my friend's program. By the time we reached, they were waiting to bid adieu.. The program was over long back and they were waiting at the gate for us. So, they left.. and I was left too.. Alone.

Searched my pockets, i had money :-) yeah... Most of the times I'm forgetting to carry money!! thought I'll take a bus home.. Waited nearly an half hour! No buses... :-)
"it should be surprising if we got one... ain't it??" that's what people say.. But never was it that way for me.. First time now.

"Auto??? Hmmm... Nooo... Let me walk till the next bus stop.." was going in my mind.
It will however be the same bus i'll take, whether this stop or the next! But just like today, that day also I wanted to walk..

Started... Reached the next stop pretty quickly as compared to the time, I'm gonna spend next. Then it occured "Why don't I walk home! From here!!!!!"

Was sitting in the stop, now got up and started walking again... The first few metres were well and fine... I was walking briskly. Then it started "How long??"

After some more time "How much more??" I was searching for an auto.. when i found one and he approached me, I was "I'm already half way.. let's finish it off, walking itself".

Then every moment from then seemed to stretch to infinity.. some seemed like they're gonna stay forever.. Could find nothing more.. All this while, i was talking to myself, no one to accompany!

"Huhh... you talked a lot to yourSELF.. enough now.. take an auto"

"Can't you see?? you're almost home... Why an auto noww?? You should've done that earlier"

"stop it noww.... " that was the third ME

ALL of us however agreed with the 2nd...

The rest was quick again... But, Ravindra Bharathi to home is quite a long distance!!

This way, i was doing unusual things all this while... unpredictable with myself..

UNPREDICTABLE it was, All the time. This journey!

It has always been a path of chances rather than a path of choices..

I guess that the other one, the path of choices would have been boring and uninteresting...!

I didn't know this post will become this long 'a tiring story' when I started it!!

Not predicted!

Nov 15, 2008

Sampath's village

Sampath called me the before day, asking me "rey will u come to Appannapalle?? I'm going now".

"Now!! Hmm.... I'll come 2moro raa.. is that ok?"

"yaa... but come fast so that we all can meet"

"Who ALL???!!??"

"Now actually 7 of us are going there raa... They'll leave 2moro... soo come early 2moro... catch the first train"

"yeah sure raa... byee... have fun"

Morning... As usual late.. now I'll not get that first train... Brother dropped me at Imliban(bus stop)

Found a bus.. Not NON STOP.

I don't like children when they're grown enough that they're no more innocent!!

And i came across two children crying annoyingly.. these two guys were beyond that age and I heard them on the platform itself.

Searched a nice seat away from these two. The bus started. Even before it left the bus stand, few people waved hands and it stopped. Then again after 5 minutes, some other waved and it stopped. Few more minutes passed and again and again and again it stopped.

By the grace of the heavens, we could cross Hyderabad that day!! then again one father waved. The mother and child followed him into the bus... Now I could have known names of all, even the smallest  of villages between Hyderabad and Appannapalle if this family didn't occupy the space beside me.

They were standing. Son became a burden and mother asked help.. A
sked me help. I looked at the father.. He was looking outside the window.. I looked at the old man on my other side.. He would have shouted "take him... why you looking at me" if his mouth wasn't full of Pan Parag!

I took him... He's also beyond THAT age.. He felt hungry and started crying... I felt angry but couldn't do anything!!
His mom wasn't giving him his lolly pop! And he was crying crying and dancing on me... i thought I'm gonna scream now and the bus stopped again... 

Few more people in and fortunately that old couple besides me got up.. I moved to the window and those 2 empty were occupied by that family. That boy was still crying. He cried cried and cried until his mouth dried up and he fell asleep. 
She was happy. Happy was the father too... Happiest was me. 

This way i was heading towards my childhood memories. TO my home place.. Where i was not born... Neither brought up nor even lived. It was where I always felt like at Home. 

I was there after 3 hours.. Every1 waiting for my company for breakfast. I was waiting to see that place.. My Home.. That farm of my uncle's where I had the best of moments... Where we chased lambs, where we played till we got hurt, where we fed chicks till they were fed up of us!, where we spent evenings until night came, where we played in wet mud, where we felt HOME.

Where our sister lay Burried deep under, under these many years of losing and missing her, these many years of experiences!

The rest of the time went by superbly. Need not mention it If i say that It was all with friends. Friends... :-)

Visited "Pillala Marri"in Mahabubnagar, a Giant Banyan Tree. Here are those pics..>>
But everything has changed. There was not a tree we spent our time under.

When I lived in Mahabubnagar, we all wanted it to develop. People were awaiting development. It came.. I left the town. And after seven years I don't find people there any Happier than we children were then!!!!

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